Well, ive gotta start somewhere- right?

Well blogging seems to me the newest trend, so i figured i'de give it a shot. Im completely random at times so I'll try not to lose you haha.

My life... whew. Where do i begin? It is complete madness right now! I have a great job, I am in love(ill get to that later), my family is crazy as hell- but i still love them to pieces. My dogs are my children. You cannot convince me otherwise. They talk to me and i talk to them back :). Listening to music in one of my very few escapes. I am a huge fan of hip-hop. Lil Wayne, T.I. , Usher... looove them.
I live with my boyfriend and one of my best friends of all time, his father, Kenny! Kenny is the craziest, sweetest, most loving person i have ever met in my life. Gotta love good ole' Kenny.
My boyfriend( whose name im not going to share due to people ALWAYS in my business) and I have a complicated relationship. We have good days, and then we have days we dont even want to look at each other. We have had highs, and very extreme lows over the past 3 years. I have been drug through the mud and kicked in the face. But i still come out and try to make the best of it.

Have you ever loved someone so much to the point where no matter what happens, or what he puts you through, you get over it and just accept it for what it is and move on? That is the point i am at with him now. We will be together 3 years in November... that seems like a long time to me. Ooooh that boy. I keep waiting on the day he will grow up & act his age. Some days i get very discouraged and being to believe it will never happen. All i want is to be appreciated.. and shown that i am loved in the way i so desperately need him to show me. Some days he does and i am over the moon... and the other days.. well.. im not a very happy camper.

I'm only 21 years old, but ive had an extremely hard life and i am not going to lie about it.. but im also not going into detail about everything because i just really dont want all the memories coming back. I had to grow  up early & fast. My parents did the best they could. Daddy always traveled so he was never around much. And when he was home, he was in his studio working on music. So it was mostly just me, mom & my sister. But, when dad left- things went to hell in a hand basket. We had to move a lot. I channeled all my hurt and pain into playing sports so it seemed like i was happy. But i suffered an extreme knee injury, which ended my days playin sports :(. So ... in comes the typical rebellious teenager. I drank, smoked, partied MORE than the above said "typical rebellious teenager".  Lets just say i was less than desirable as a person.
Then i met him. Fell in love. Chilled out. Landed this job that  i can make a career for the rest of my life.
Things were ammmmaaazzing in the beginning. Gradually small things would come up. Ide fix them and move on, Then a BIG problem come up. He went to prison for 8 months. If you know me, you know why he went so no details on that either.

Anyways, I was completely lost. I dropped down to 100 pounds, which did NOT look good on my 5'7 body frame. To make a long story short i went through such deep depression that i honestly just wanted to give up. One day i looked at myself in the mirror and just decided i needed to quit being such a baby and take matters in my own hands. I went to see him every Sunday without fail. Spent hundreds of dollars on phone bills. (Keep in mind his parents paid these things as well..) but it took a toll on all of us. I cried a lot. But finaly.. He was moved from Decature back to the county for a court date. And thanks to my wonderful friend and amazing attorney, Robert- the judge agreed to release him on community corrections. Which means he is on color code (he has to call a number every morning and if it is his color he has to take a drug test) and he has to report to his probation office 2 times a month. He didnt immediately get out that day. Once you are sentenced to "prison" time you are property of the state and cannot be released from a County facility without the Alabama Department of Corrections saying its okay. After 3 freaking weeks of going back and forth we finally got the call that he was gettin out that day. They couldnt give us an exact time though because of the tons of paper work that he had to go though. The county jail is just one block over from the place i work, so trust me i was waiting on egg shells. I was standing up front waiting on the phone call and talking to the girls that i work with... i look over at a mirror hanging on the wall- and i can see him walking towards the office. I was in complete shock. All i remember sayin is "oh my god" .. I ran out the door and practically tackled him! They let him out and he didnt even want to stay there long enough to call us! He just took it on himself to walk over to my work :)
HAPPIEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!
The experience changed him. and a lot of it is not for the better. After this i do not believe that jail can rehabilitate people from their problems or help them make better decisions in the future. It messes with their head. He is a different person now.  And this bring us up to the point where i am now. Like i said above- ive grown up very quickly. If he loves me like he says he does, then why have we not taken our relationship to the next level? Have i not done everything there is to do to prove that I love him and would do anything for him? I dont get it. Maybe... he doesnt love me like he says he does. Maybe he loves me.. but isnt IN love with me anymore. He is the only person who knows. In my opinion, actions speak louder than words. So there ya go. Actions speak louder than words.. he isnt doing anything .. sooo.. what am i still doing in the relationship???? Maybe i think he is gonna change. Maybe im just bat shit crazy- who knows. Ill figure it .. hopefully. This kinda explains why i am the way i am.

So this completely turned into a novel and thats not what i intended it for haha .. i hope i didnt bore yall to much! 

Much love :)